When I begin to miss something from my childhood is when I feel like blogging. Because I blogged when I was younger? Probably because it’s a way to immortalize my past. And by “immortalize,” I mean, log it for future reference.
At this time, the only thing I’m really missing (aside from various old friends whose mysterious silence or absence are making me curious) is my old bed. Yes, I am attached to too many inanimate objects. But a bed is a place of a safety and ultimate rest. I’ve been my most vulnerable in my old bed. Not just physically. Emotionally. Spiritually.
Oh, well. Now I sleep atop a bunk bed, that much closer to Heaven.

I’m a less confident driver after a brush with a brand new Tacoma. In the typical ignorance of a teenager, I considered myself invincible. Like wrecks just “don’t happen to me.” There’s a girl at my brother’s old Bible college who drove like a maniac. Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever been so worried driving with someone else before. Apparently, she’d never had consequences for it though (other than, I’m sure, gas prices and that supposed hole in the ozone), and she said, “It’s just because I’m so cute!”

No pictures today. I haven't uploaded any lately, my camera's already in my room, and I'm tired. I haven't even taken today's picture yet.

I just wanted to say that I haven't really updated because I only think of the same thing. Over and over again. How many times can you blog about changes and a checkpoint in the race of life? But here I go again.

Nothing is the same right now. Well, perhaps that's a bit absolute. I'm blessed to have a stable family and a puppy who always loves me. But suddenly everything else is different. It's summer, and instead of shoving plans with friends into every free minute, I'm scheduling my life around a job. Sometimes it doesn't seem worth it to feel so totally isolated for money, but I know I'll need to survive in college. And it's not like I don't get out at all.
I just miss everything. I miss my old phone. The broken flip one. And I miss tentatively and hopefully attempting new friendships all the time, which have now faded. I miss sleeping in. Oh, and I miss my old bed. This bunkbed's great, but my old bed felt a bit like a blankie sometimes. I miss the bottom board falling off and the creeks and the obnoxious spring in my back.
I know things are supposed to be this way. Before, I've even prayed for changes and tests to stretch me for God. Of course, I am learning a lot right now. I just miss... time and times. I don't even feel like I've had time for photography lately, and I haven't heard from some of my friends in what feels like weeks.

It would just be easier, I suppose, if I knew that at some point, it would all go back to how it was. But I start college August 18th, and then things will really change. This is just practice exercises for August 18th.

But I couldn't really end this without mentioning the one thing, other than family and close friends, that hasn't changed. And that would be God's constant grace. He's like this unending ray of goodness that I can grasp each morning. It's a blessing to have such a beautiful drive to work, so I can leave early, pull over, and read His Word which soothes my soul. And I'm grateful for a quiet break room where I can take fifteen minutes to read it some more. I'm blessed for this strand of sanity, keeping all my current worries at bay and collecting all my thoughts for healthy organization.
Yes, God is constant, and I see that very clearly right now. I will always have Him to cling to.

But on that note, I'd love to be fired. 

May 6.

I got sick the night before (just something I ate or allergies), so I spent the day not eating and playing video games or rereading a fantasy novel.

May 7.

I GOT A JOB. I'm now a receptionist at a hotel. Front desk lobby, babyyyy.
(To celebrate I played more video games......)

I promise today's picture will be more interesting. I'm off to a medieval festival.

Confession: I didn't actually take a picture Monday. I know, I know! But I was job hunting all day, then mowing, and I just didn't think about pictures. And then yesterday... this was apparently the only picture I took. (I have recently discovered the joy of blowing bubbles with my gum and occasionally take pictures of my bubbles to see how big I can get them. Obviously, this wasn't my biggest bubble.)

Today, I felt a little troubled when reading St. Augustine's "Confessions." His soul is so disturbed when, even though he believes in the power of Jesus, he hasn't turned over his will and his career and his desires. I think that's hardly the message taught today. We confess Jesus with our lips, but our hearts are far from His. When do we assume that a call to Jesus requires giving up everything we want? Jesus' will is rarely compatible with ours, especially when we still follow the will we had before we met Him. Even Christians barely make Him a priority. Our first task in the morning is not to drop to our knees and die to ourselves, but we check our Facebook, fix breakfast, catch up on news, shower, etc. We see the pearl in the field and consider knowledge of its location enough to earn it.

Of course, I should mention that I'm not perfect. I know that you know that, but it's necessary that I say so. Yes, I sometimes sound preachy, but honestly, half the time, I'm trying to rally my own spirit to move. What have I ever given up for Christ? Do I think fasting from technology now and then, going thirty hours without food, and choosing a Christian college is really something to brag about to the Christ who called His disciples to poverty and persecution? I have done nothing worth recommending me to the Hall of Faith.

Not that I'm acting to be recognized by human praise. I want to hear "Well, done, my good and faithful servant," and that's all I need. These meager sacrifices are nothing more than an effort to develop the habit of giving up my wants for Him. I'd give up anything if I knew it would bring me that much closer to Christ. We're so far from Heaven. 

April 30.

May 1.

Too much Jeanna? No way. This girl's really become like a sister. She lives like two miles from me. For someone whose best friends have always lived at least a half-hour to an hour away, this is a big deal. I'm surprised she and I didn't meet until recently, but I trust God's timing.